I'm Not going to my ceramics class today for the potluck and show & tell. Julie called me a "party pooper". Yes, I can be. I hardly know these people. I have no desire to be critiqued by strangers...or anyone else. I have no desire to be looked at or seen today.
Every day we put ourselves "out there"...to the public, to strangers..and Facebook is not any different. How many ways do we show who we are?
I'm an introvert, but most people would never know it...I try to hide it, and at times I end up hiding myself. I hide behind jest and jokes; I hide behind faces and masks; I hide in the stories I write and tell, in the landscapes and art forms, in my metaphor.
I'm an introvert who wants to be seen but not critiqued, now that I'm in my latter years of my life. I've had my day in the sun and my fifteen minutes of fame...I've shown and I've told about myself for so many years, it's now tiring for me to enter into these "conversations".
Last night I was "up", the extrovert, preparing for today to talk to the class about ceramics, my art.
This morning I am "down", the introvert, wanting to stay in bed, write, drink my coffee, be alone.
To find a happy "middle ground" or "medium" is always a challenge...a balancing act...it’s an art...a tightrope walk...a tiring challenge because in plain and simple words, it's work.
We talk about creativity. I've written many lines about what that word means to me. For years it's been a topic of my discussions, and the discussion is never ending. Because no two people read alike, think alike, listen alike, see alike...or dream alike; no two discussions will sound alike.
It's been a more than interesting ride, but I no longer feel the need for the challenge of holding on tirelessly. My ideas and mind are close to being spent, no longer keeping "up" to and for the challenge.
I'm tired today. Yesterday, the people exhausted me... Ants running around helter-skelter, all knowing which way they wanted to go, and all independently crossing my path to obstruct my forward flow...Life is an obstacle for an introvert, where “flow” is all important to being creative.
